Ever see a kid offering up “please “ and thank you” more willingly then your child and wonder how he got to be so polite? How about the cool kid who struts onto the playground to have all the other kids gravitate towards him while your shy flower plays in the corner?
We all want our kids to be successful, loved and talented and it really makes me wonder how much is learned behavior and how much is inherent. I don’t have the answer to that but I do have some observations. Ever hear the phrase “kids do as you do, not as you say”, well its true. My niece and nephew are the most social, fun loving, talented and outgoing (not to mention gorgeous) kids I know and you don’t have to look far to see why. Their mother is a social butterfly who always has a friendly smile or helping hand and they have grown up watching her in action. Its no big surprise they are the same way. Now I guess we should also factor in attachment parenting, ie co-sleeping and baby wearing as infants which has been said to help prove confidence. But the point is that kids DO as you do, not as you say. So as your entering a grandma’s house, pushing your child ahead of you, urging her to go give grandma a big hug and kiss don’t be surprised if she runs and hides behind your back. I have never been the adventurous type, I am actually quite the scaredy cat but the last thing I want to do is instill that in my son as my mother did to me. You wont catch me riding a skateboard down a hill or going off the high dive (that’s another thing I can ask his auntie to handle, LOL) but I can try to show a willingness to overcome fears.
So the good thing about children is that they are moldable and we can still change some bad habits if you havnt already. Ask yourself what kind of person you want them to be and YOU be that person. None of us are perfect parents or human beings and I think that is a very important lesson to teach our children also. I sincerely hope that I can show my children how to move on from mistakes in a humble manner and know when is my time to apologize. I think humility is just as important as confidence and its never to early or to late to learn either!
Showing posts with label bad kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad kids. Show all posts
Monday, October 4, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I wonder how many people looked at me and Joey today in the grocery store and thought I was crazy. I’m trying to take comfort in hopes that at least one mother looked at me and understood. You see today I bought JoJo a new baseball bat and baseball which he insisted upon taking into the grocery store with us. Don’t worry, it was a soft one, nerf or something with Diego on it. Anyhoo so here we are in the freezer section, JoJo chanting “Dego Go, DEGO”….because he can’t pronounce Diego so he calls him Dego, or maybe that’s his Italian roots coming out? Who knows….. and just my luck, he dosnt let go of the bat for a moment so I am weaving in and out of people trying to keep everyone safe from a 20 month old, bat wielding, Dego screaming munchkin. He is having the time of his life and every so often forgets I told him not to throw the ball so he hurls it into the ice cream case or a stack of vegetables from which I have to retrieve before it collects ecoli, thankfully there were no casualties.
We finally make it to the check out line and a nice teenage boy was kind enough to take over batting practice for me, JoJo got a couple of base hits into the wine display behind me and all the while you might be thinking…….”wouldn’t it be easier just to take it away before entering the store”? If your thinking that then you obviously don’t have kids or its been awhile since you’ve been down Terrible Two’s Avenue.
No harm, No Foul everyone was happy and now if I get a gray hair this year at least I‘ll know where it came from. I’ll save the story of the guitar in the grocery store for another day!
Moral of the story….sometimes you look silly in public but I rather be silly then have a screaming baby!
We finally make it to the check out line and a nice teenage boy was kind enough to take over batting practice for me, JoJo got a couple of base hits into the wine display behind me and all the while you might be thinking…….”wouldn’t it be easier just to take it away before entering the store”? If your thinking that then you obviously don’t have kids or its been awhile since you’ve been down Terrible Two’s Avenue.
No harm, No Foul everyone was happy and now if I get a gray hair this year at least I‘ll know where it came from. I’ll save the story of the guitar in the grocery store for another day!
Moral of the story….sometimes you look silly in public but I rather be silly then have a screaming baby!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
A Rant.....
I love getting Joey out of the house everyday and we take advantage of our local resources as much as possible. We go to library story times, farmers markets and just about every function in our town that is age appropriate. I think it is very important for children to get early socialization and I just LOVE this age, I love toddlers, they are so precious.
I can’t say I enjoy the company of some of the mom’s we frequently come across. What is it about women when they get into groups that they have to form cliques, be judgmental and or discourteous? We are all in the same boat, we all are busy moms and I think we owe it to our children to set good examples. I know I’m not perfect but I try to be aware of myself, my child and our surroundings.
OK I just realized this post is more of a rant but here it goes anyways…….
Stinky Diaper:
CHANGE IT! Today a lady at story time kept apologizing for her her son’s stinky diaper. I could see in her mammoth stroller she had ample supplies to remedy the situation. If she would have taken 2 minutes to change the diaper it would have been less energy then all the apologizing she kept doing. She “just couldn’t pull him away from the group” as she put it.
Not only was it rude to the whole group but her poor kids was just stewing in it….despite the fact that he really didn’t seem to mind.
Tardiness:
Ok maybe this is one of my pet peeves but I am rarely…..RARELY late. I find it awfully rude when other people keep me waiting due to their inability to plan correctly. Obviously the unforeseen happen, especially with kids and that’s ok BUT try to be courteous of others when you are late. If your late getting your kids to class, playgroup, a restaurant were you might be meeting others, a birthday party, a lesson or whatever it is try not ot interfere with what is going on. It really sucks when the group has to start over, stop, or be totally interrupted because someone is late. Obviously a young child dosn’t know and will take a moment to register what is going on but you’d think the parent would know better.
Nursing in Public:
Ok I know everyone has their own opinion of this and I respect them all. But in keeping with my theme “being courteous of others” let me please remind some moms that just because we are totally comfortable nursing in public dosn’t mean other people are. Its funny how after we have a kid we are much more one to doing what we gotta do for our kids no matter where we are or who is there BUT try not to shock the whole restaurant by whipping out a at-at with no cover whatsoever, LOL!
I 100% feel that a mother has a right to nurse wherever she needs to but modesty is key.
Colds/Sickness:
Stay home. I know….it sounds obvious right? I guess not. I know when your kid is sick they hate being cooped up all day….as do you. But please don’t bring them to playgroups, school or any of the above. Its just discourteous and says to the rest of the moms “ I don’t care if my kid gets yours sick”. take your child on a walk, to a outdoor park and play ball but please don’t spread the germs.
Candy:
Really lady? Your just going to bust put a lollipop in front of the whole playgroup, give it to your child and expect it to be cool? Its funny how crackers, gold fish, and a juice box can go un-noticed amongst a group of kids but bust out some candy and its like they have sugar radar!
Unless you have some for everyone don’t bring it out in the open.
In turn….don’t give a snack to a kid unless you ask their mother first. You don’t want to be the reason for a E.R. visit because the kid you gave a Nutter butter to is allergic to peanut butter.
Phone:
Get off the phone. Especially if your kid is throwing things or terrorizing the other kids. Our children learn very early on that if mommy is on the phone she isn’t paying good attention. Not to mention you gotta set a example for your child. You are their to play and socialize and we all gotta answer the phone but please don’t leave the rest of the moms to regulate your child the entire time.
Get UP!!!!:
Nothing gets under my skin more then the mom who sits on the bench, chair, whatever and yells at her kid to stop doing whatever it is they are doing…..over and over and over. It took the rest of us moms two minutes to realize your not getting up from your seat…..I’m pretty sure your kid knows the same thing too. Not only is your kid learning to not listen to you but your driving everyone else crazy.
I can’t say I enjoy the company of some of the mom’s we frequently come across. What is it about women when they get into groups that they have to form cliques, be judgmental and or discourteous? We are all in the same boat, we all are busy moms and I think we owe it to our children to set good examples. I know I’m not perfect but I try to be aware of myself, my child and our surroundings.
OK I just realized this post is more of a rant but here it goes anyways…….
Stinky Diaper:
CHANGE IT! Today a lady at story time kept apologizing for her her son’s stinky diaper. I could see in her mammoth stroller she had ample supplies to remedy the situation. If she would have taken 2 minutes to change the diaper it would have been less energy then all the apologizing she kept doing. She “just couldn’t pull him away from the group” as she put it.
Not only was it rude to the whole group but her poor kids was just stewing in it….despite the fact that he really didn’t seem to mind.
Tardiness:
Ok maybe this is one of my pet peeves but I am rarely…..RARELY late. I find it awfully rude when other people keep me waiting due to their inability to plan correctly. Obviously the unforeseen happen, especially with kids and that’s ok BUT try to be courteous of others when you are late. If your late getting your kids to class, playgroup, a restaurant were you might be meeting others, a birthday party, a lesson or whatever it is try not ot interfere with what is going on. It really sucks when the group has to start over, stop, or be totally interrupted because someone is late. Obviously a young child dosn’t know and will take a moment to register what is going on but you’d think the parent would know better.
Nursing in Public:
Ok I know everyone has their own opinion of this and I respect them all. But in keeping with my theme “being courteous of others” let me please remind some moms that just because we are totally comfortable nursing in public dosn’t mean other people are. Its funny how after we have a kid we are much more one to doing what we gotta do for our kids no matter where we are or who is there BUT try not to shock the whole restaurant by whipping out a at-at with no cover whatsoever, LOL!
I 100% feel that a mother has a right to nurse wherever she needs to but modesty is key.
Colds/Sickness:
Stay home. I know….it sounds obvious right? I guess not. I know when your kid is sick they hate being cooped up all day….as do you. But please don’t bring them to playgroups, school or any of the above. Its just discourteous and says to the rest of the moms “ I don’t care if my kid gets yours sick”. take your child on a walk, to a outdoor park and play ball but please don’t spread the germs.
Candy:
Really lady? Your just going to bust put a lollipop in front of the whole playgroup, give it to your child and expect it to be cool? Its funny how crackers, gold fish, and a juice box can go un-noticed amongst a group of kids but bust out some candy and its like they have sugar radar!
Unless you have some for everyone don’t bring it out in the open.
In turn….don’t give a snack to a kid unless you ask their mother first. You don’t want to be the reason for a E.R. visit because the kid you gave a Nutter butter to is allergic to peanut butter.
Phone:
Get off the phone. Especially if your kid is throwing things or terrorizing the other kids. Our children learn very early on that if mommy is on the phone she isn’t paying good attention. Not to mention you gotta set a example for your child. You are their to play and socialize and we all gotta answer the phone but please don’t leave the rest of the moms to regulate your child the entire time.
Get UP!!!!:
Nothing gets under my skin more then the mom who sits on the bench, chair, whatever and yells at her kid to stop doing whatever it is they are doing…..over and over and over. It took the rest of us moms two minutes to realize your not getting up from your seat…..I’m pretty sure your kid knows the same thing too. Not only is your kid learning to not listen to you but your driving everyone else crazy.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Kids do as we do....not as we say
I recently came across the article regarding ways to help children be optimistic and is definitely worth checking out!
http://www.examiner.com/x-37722-SF-Early-Childhood-Parenting-Examiner~y2010m8d7-Helping-children-to-be-optimistic
Also last week I read about “children’s rights” and things adults take for granted in children. It listed things like how adults tickle random kid without asking (you wouldn’t do that to a adult or “gasp” a teenager), talking in baby talk (who actually likes to be talked to like that)?, and how things that are considered common courtesy to adults is not applied to children. It got me thinking of ways that I can be courteous to my child and other children.
These are some handy tricks I have found to help me with JoJo, hopefully they might work for you too!
-For example when I was pregnant I saw two small children playing, one yanked a toy out of the other kids hand and his mother reprimanded him for grabbing. It then occurred to me that most adults do just that….. if a child has something they aren’t supposed to have (even if they don’t know they are not supposed to have it) we tend to just grab it from them. So I then vowed to always ask JoJo for things and 90% of the time he is happy to hand it over. If he refuses I tell him “I have to take that from you” and do so but I always give him the opportunity to hand it over himself.
-Which brings me to “please” and “thank you”. I do my best to always say “please” and “thank you” and at 18 months I am proud to say JoJo does very well with both. His “thank you” sounds more like “tink too” but I know what he means, LOL! If he whines for something I remind him to not cry but to just say please.
- I didn’t make this one up but I intend on employing it as he gets older. Remember that dreaded “because I said so” from your parents? Ugh nothing makes you feel less adult then that. Growing up I had a neighbor who instead of saying “because I said so” would say “because I love you”. So if her kids wanted to go play at the park after dark and would whine “aaw but why not mom, there are other kids there” she would just smile and say “because I love you”. Its less argument and the first time I heard her say that I whipped my head around like “huh”? and thought “aw man how can you argue with that”? LOL
-Also lately JoJo has turned to hitting to show his frustration. I don’t hit him back, I just DON’T. I have been known to hold his arm down however I get down on his level and I give him a hug. Thankfully at this age a mama’s hug is still pretty powerful and he typically gives into it. But I am going to keep using this trick until it stops working! I tell him “no hitting, just hugs” and I ask him what he wants. He migth not understand me and I rarely understand him but I am showing him that I care about what his needs and wants.
I just do my best to put myself in his shoes, I remember often feeling like my feelings didn’t mater and if mom said no then there was no debating it. A lot of the time I just wanted my feelings heard.
I notice with kids older then five who can easily communicate what they want just really want acknowledgement if their feelings. I used to get down to my little brother’s level and try to find out what exactly it was he was upset about, repeat it in my own words so that he knew I understood what it was he wanted and then if it was a viable request I would tell him why instead of just no and try to compromise with him.
I know it sound silly to spell it out but how many times have you seen a mom dragging her kid out of a store by his hand while he is crying and her just yelling “no”! I surely have been guilty of doing that to my little brother and cant say I wont make the mistake with JoJo but I will do my best to acknowledge his feelings first and offer a compromise.
Lastly:
http://www.examiner.com/x-37722-SF-Early-Childhood-Parenting-Examiner~y2010m2d27-Raising-an-emotionally-intelligent-child
http://www.examiner.com/x-37722-SF-Early-Childhood-Parenting-Examiner~y2010m8d7-Helping-children-to-be-optimistic
Also last week I read about “children’s rights” and things adults take for granted in children. It listed things like how adults tickle random kid without asking (you wouldn’t do that to a adult or “gasp” a teenager), talking in baby talk (who actually likes to be talked to like that)?, and how things that are considered common courtesy to adults is not applied to children. It got me thinking of ways that I can be courteous to my child and other children.
These are some handy tricks I have found to help me with JoJo, hopefully they might work for you too!
-For example when I was pregnant I saw two small children playing, one yanked a toy out of the other kids hand and his mother reprimanded him for grabbing. It then occurred to me that most adults do just that….. if a child has something they aren’t supposed to have (even if they don’t know they are not supposed to have it) we tend to just grab it from them. So I then vowed to always ask JoJo for things and 90% of the time he is happy to hand it over. If he refuses I tell him “I have to take that from you” and do so but I always give him the opportunity to hand it over himself.
-Which brings me to “please” and “thank you”. I do my best to always say “please” and “thank you” and at 18 months I am proud to say JoJo does very well with both. His “thank you” sounds more like “tink too” but I know what he means, LOL! If he whines for something I remind him to not cry but to just say please.
- I didn’t make this one up but I intend on employing it as he gets older. Remember that dreaded “because I said so” from your parents? Ugh nothing makes you feel less adult then that. Growing up I had a neighbor who instead of saying “because I said so” would say “because I love you”. So if her kids wanted to go play at the park after dark and would whine “aaw but why not mom, there are other kids there” she would just smile and say “because I love you”. Its less argument and the first time I heard her say that I whipped my head around like “huh”? and thought “aw man how can you argue with that”? LOL
-Also lately JoJo has turned to hitting to show his frustration. I don’t hit him back, I just DON’T. I have been known to hold his arm down however I get down on his level and I give him a hug. Thankfully at this age a mama’s hug is still pretty powerful and he typically gives into it. But I am going to keep using this trick until it stops working! I tell him “no hitting, just hugs” and I ask him what he wants. He migth not understand me and I rarely understand him but I am showing him that I care about what his needs and wants.
I just do my best to put myself in his shoes, I remember often feeling like my feelings didn’t mater and if mom said no then there was no debating it. A lot of the time I just wanted my feelings heard.
I notice with kids older then five who can easily communicate what they want just really want acknowledgement if their feelings. I used to get down to my little brother’s level and try to find out what exactly it was he was upset about, repeat it in my own words so that he knew I understood what it was he wanted and then if it was a viable request I would tell him why instead of just no and try to compromise with him.
I know it sound silly to spell it out but how many times have you seen a mom dragging her kid out of a store by his hand while he is crying and her just yelling “no”! I surely have been guilty of doing that to my little brother and cant say I wont make the mistake with JoJo but I will do my best to acknowledge his feelings first and offer a compromise.
Lastly:
http://www.examiner.com/x-37722-SF-Early-Childhood-Parenting-Examiner~y2010m2d27-Raising-an-emotionally-intelligent-child
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